The Talk
by minimonster12345
Summary: The gods have to give their kids 'The Talk'. See how awkward it will be! R&R! No flames please! I don't own PJO or HOO.
1. Zeus and Thalia

HHHHIIIIIII! Okay, so I'm very bored at the moment, so I decided to write this. I hope you find it funny.

Zeus POV

So, Hera called all of the gods to a council meeting, and nobody knows why. We all sat in the throne room, waiting for Hera to explain.

"Alright, first of all, I want to thank you all for coming. So, let's get to talking."

We all groaned. Hera liked to talk for long periods of time.

"Alright, so I have recently learned that at camp, they do not explain the birds and the bees to our children. So, I was thinking that we should all go down and give our children, 'The Talk'."

We all stared at her.

"There are no questions, you have to. We will all talk to your respective children. Hades, you will talk to Nico, Poseidon you will talk to Percy, Zeus will talk to Jason and Thalia-" She began, but I cut her off.

"But Thalia is an eternal maiden!" I yell, bot wanting to explain the female reproductive system to my daughter.

"It doesn't matter. Plus, she still needs to learn about menstrual periods."

"Can't Artemis talk to her about that!?"

"No, I believe that you are perfectly capable of talking to Thalia." Hera say, glaring at me.

"But isn't she fifteen?"

"Yes, but she was a tree since she was twelve."

"Oh yeah…"

"Alright it is settled. The hunters are already visiting camp since Artemis had to come to this meeting, and the romans are visiting the Greek camp, so let's go.

At Camp Half-Blood

We flashed to camp, and walked to the big house and explained to Chiron why we were here.

When we walk out, I see the Zeus cabin and walk towards it. I open the door and see my kid's decorating my statue. Only it wasn't a good a kind of decorating. The statue was dressed in a disco outfit with a purple boa wrapped around its neck. Jason was putting a party hat on its head, and Thalia was holding a bucket of glitter and was throwing the glitter at the statue.

When the door slammed shut, my kids turned and looked at me. They both looked like little kids caught stealing cookies from a cookie jar.

"Uhhh…we were just… decorating?" Thalia said, even though it sounded more like a question.

Thalia dropped the bucket of glitter, spilling it all over the floor, and tried to run past me, but I stepped in front of her before she could leave.

"Not so fast, young lady, we need to talk."

They both looked at me like I was crazy.

"Hera told me that I needed to give you guys 'The Talk'." I say.

Their eyes go wide.

"Uhhh, dad, I already had the talk…with Lupa…so I'll be going…" Jason said, walking toward the door.

I let him go. Hey, one less kid to give 'The Talk' to.

"Okay missy, sit down." I say to Thalia.

She sits on the floor, and I do as well.

"Okay, so, first I will explain something called a menstrual period."

Time Skip

By the time I was done, Thalia's eyes were wide, and she had her knees pressed against her chest ,rocking back and forth.

"Listen, I'm sorry, but someone had to tell you sooner or later, and Hera told me I had to do it."

She kept rocking back and forth.

"So, I need to ask you one more question."

She stops rocking and looks at me."

"Have you gotten your period yet?"

Poor Thalia. Poor Zeus. I will make chapters about the other gods and goddesses having 'The Talk' with their kids. Who should I do next? BBBBBBYYYYYEEEEEE!


	2. Hades and Nico

HHHIIIIIII!Okay, so this one is Hades and Nico. I hope this is funny. P.S there will be some thalico in this chapter.

Hades POV

I think it was good that I was giving Nico 'The Talk'. Maybe it would man him up a little. I walked to the Hades cabin and walked in. Nico was sitting on the floor arranging his myth-o-magic cards.

When he sees me he jumps up and hides the cards behind his back.

"You don't have to hide them, I already saw them." I say, walking in.

He sighs and puts the cards on the floor.

"What are you doing here?" he asks.

"I'm here to talk to you about the birds and the bees." I explain.

His jaw drops and his eyes go wide.

"There's no getting out of this. You would have to learn this sooner or later, might as well get it over with now."

We sit down on his bed.

"So, when a man and woman love each other very much…"

Time skip

Nico was surprisingly understanding about the situation. He was much less embarrassed then I thought he would be.

"So, you understand?" I ask.

He nods.

"So, even though you know how to now, I don't want you going and getting that Thalia girl pregnant."

His eyes went wide and got up.

"No, no, no, no, no! I would never…we're not gonna…" He trails off blushing.

"Yeah, sure you're not. Just remember, use protection."

"Oh my gods, dad!"

I shrug and walk out the door. I have a feeling that I will have grandchildren by the end of the year.

Oh, poor Nico. Though I bet Hades was right about the grandchildren thing. R&R, no flames please. BBBYYYYEEEEE!


	3. Annabeth, Athena,Percy and Poseidon

HHHHIIIIIII! Sorry for not updating in a long time, I've been working on a book. I also had this idea that I should make a spinoff of this story. Should I? Also, what should it be about?

Athena POV

I had already talked to all of my children except Annabeth. I told Malcolm to go get her so I can talk to her.

When she walks in, I smile at her. She looks at me nervously.

"Hi mom, I know what you want to talk about and my dad already told me about that, sooo…" She says.

I sigh.

"Alright, you know about everything?" I ask.

She nods.

"Okay then, I just want to tell you to steer clear of that sea spawn. He's a hormonal teenage boy." I explain.

He eyes go wide and she blushes.

"Mom, Percy's not…we're not…"

I laugh and rub her knee.

"Just don't do anything without thinking it through. Oh, and, I think you might need these." I say.

I hand her a pack of birth control pills.

"MOM!" She yells, but she takes them.

I get up and leave. I'm glad that's done with.

Poseidon POV

I walk into Percy's cabin. He looks at me and smiles.

"Hey dad!" He says.

"Hello Percy. Can I ask you a question?" I ask.

"Yeah."

"Has your mother had 'The Talk' with you?"

He stares at me before nodding.

"Okay then, that means that I don't have to do the hard part. So, use protection and make sure Annabeth is using birth control." I say

"DAD!" He yells.

"Well, you needed to hear it. Bye son." I say, leaving.

I hope you guys liked it! I'm thinking of doing Clarisse and Ares next. What do you think? BBYYYEEEE!


	4. Clarisse and Ares

HHHIIII! Here's Clarisse and Ares. Should I make a spinoff of this story?

I wasn't looking forward to talking to Clarisse about this. I'm hoping that she already found this put by herself.

She walks in and sighs.

"Do we really have to do this?" She asks.

"Hera said I had to. Unless you already know about that stuff." I say.

"I do. I'm on birth control and use protection. Can I go now?"

"Wait, what do you mean you use protection? I thought you were a virgin!" I yell.

"Dad, I have a boyfriend, I'm a teenage girl. What do you think Chris and I do when we're alone?"

I stare at her. My daughter's not a virgin.

"You…he…did…" I trail off.

"Yes. Can I go now? I have training."

I slowly nod. Clarisse leaves and I sit there for the next hour.

I'm sorry it's so short. BBYYYYEEE!


	5. Katie,Demeter,Travis and Hermes

HHHHHHIIIIII!I think that this is gonna be the last chapter, except for the epilogue. Should I make a spinoff? If so, what should it be about?

Demeter POV

I knew that Katie had already gotten 'The Talk', but I still wanted to talk to her. She walks into her cabin with a scared look on her face.

"Hello Katie." I say.

She sits down on her bunk and looks at me guiltily.

"What's the matter, honey?" I ask.

She breaks down crying. I rub her back.

"What's the matter?" I repeat.

"I…I…I did something really bad." She says.

"What did you do?" I ask.

"Travis…I…WE DID IT!" She yells.

"WHAT!?" I yell back.

"I'm so sorry!" she apologizes.

"Are you two dating?" I ask.

"No…" She says.

She slept with someone she wasn't dating? That doesn't sound like something Katie would do.

"Did he make you do it?" I ask.

"No, I wanted to!" She yells.

I continue comforting her. The poor thing thought I was going to kill her or something.

When she was finally calm, I got up and left.

Hermes POV

I talked with all of my kids at one time, because honestly, it would take me forever to talk to them one at a time. When I finished, Travis walked up to me.

"Dad, I need to tell you something." He says.

"What?" I ask.

"Well…I slept with Katie." He replies.

"WHAT!? ARE YOU TWO EVEN DATING!?" I yell.

"Well, no, but it was only once, and I feel really bad…what do I do?"

"Well, ask her if she regrets it, and if she does, then apologize." I answer.

"Thanks dad!" He says, running off.

My little boy was growing up so fast.


	6. THE END!

HHHHIIII! This is just a short epilogue! Tell me if I should do a spinoff of this story and what it should be about!

After that embarrassing day, the demigods went on with their lives.

Annabeth ended up using the birth control.

Travis found out that Katie didn't regret sleeping with him.

Also, Nico ended up getting Thalia pregnant by the end of the month.

Everything in the world was right again.

THE END!


End file.
